Okay not even close, but I gave it a try.

Inspiration to not being a lazy fat slob struck me for a moment tonight, and I decided to give a shot at what is known as the 300 work-out, which essentially consists of:

  • 25x Pull-ups
  • 50x Deadlift @ 100lbs
  • 50x Push-ups
  • 50x Box Jumps @ 12” box
  • 50x Knees to Elbows
  • 50x KB Clean and Press @ 36lbs
  • 25x Pull-up

Rule 1 of Sparta: Never underestimate the Sparta.

Of course not being a Sparta–more like a Spartlet–I scrolled down past that and tried the mini-Sparta one…

Now my problem is that I’m not only arrogant and insecure about myself but I’m also highly disillusioned, and that lead to a rather interesting combination.

The second program is designed for the more newbish of Sparta aspirers, so I figured I could step it up a notch.
Rule 2 of Sparta: never make asinine assumptions.

I started out with the pull-ups, felt good, and did a couple extra reps than what was recommended. I took a breath and moved on to the deadlifts. After about 5 reps I was thinking, what a joke…and moved on to thinking what size sword I should get–and if speedos were really my thing.

However once the 15th rep set in I could feel the burn. After 25 I was ready for my Sparta pension plan. I was able to move on back to the upper body, and completed the 3rd set just as my girly linguini arms were about ready to fall off.

Rule 3 of Sparta: There will be no losing of the limbs.

Moving on back to the lower body I thought to myself, being stabbed in the crotch has got to be less painful than finishing this workout…and I’ll just take my chances.

Fast forward a few more reps–though I use the term very loosely, it was more like slow motion really–and I think I truly knew what it was like to be on that battlefield. I began whimpering like a puppy being taken to the butcher.

I almost cried at the end as I struggled toward those final reps. The top of Everest was coming near, and I wasn’t about to freeze in the middle of the mountain.

Rule 4 of Sparta: there is no crying in Sparta.
Just.
ONE.

MORE.

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” I bellowed out.

And there it was.

So then, minus the fact that I’m crippled to my couch and will have to crawl to bed tonight, if I choose to go, I’ve never felt better.

And no, I still have not yet seen the damn movie. Don’t spoil it for me.